o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
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