Soap is not a condiment
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
