My sheets look like a crime scene.
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
Randomize
