if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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