Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
Randomize
