I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Randomize
