i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
Randomize
