my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
