I am in a vortex of obligation.
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
Randomize
