this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
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