Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
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