Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
Randomize
