Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
