We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
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