She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
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