My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
Randomize
