i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Randomize
