It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
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