Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
I feel like abortions should bother me more
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
