she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Randomize
