My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
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