just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
Randomize