Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Randomize
