dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Randomize
