So I think I might still secretly love him despite the ass licking...
Hey ass licking is a very nice and intimate thing! Don't discredit your feelings
But what if he licks everyones ass?
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Randomize
