Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
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