i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
Someone came in the potted fern
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
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