Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
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