you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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