in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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