I just made out with a guy for $7.
I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
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