Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again