I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
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would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
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A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo