I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs