i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Randomize
