I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
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Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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