OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
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I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
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You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
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