So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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