apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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