Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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