I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
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