Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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