How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
Operation Purity has been aborted
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Randomize
