I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
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