I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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