OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
Randomize
