She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
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