i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Randomize
