so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
false alarm, still single
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
