people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
I puked a lego.
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
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