i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
This is classic penis vs brain.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
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