Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
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