wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
Randomize
