Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
