Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
You are the jesus of drinking
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
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