Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
Randomize
