hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
Blood and glitter go together right?
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
