u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
Randomize
