Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
Randomize
