"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
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